Home Coming


portuguesevillage

“And it’s when we give to ourselves, that we become.”
As a mother of an active toddler and a homeschooler, I devote the majority of my time, energy, attention, and heart to nurturing my child and family. In fact, the caregiver role has been central throughout my life - it doesn't surprise me at all that I'm also highly devoted to therapeutical work, coaching and teaching.

Despite of absolutely loving being a mum and overall, a caregiver, there are moments, hours and days when I'm just pretty much lost. By this I mean, to feel disconnected from the purpose and meaning of my life. Or simply put: I don't feel at home.

Certainly, every one has a different perception about this and for me, as a woman, home is more than land or a place, it’s about being.
Nowadays this is quite a challenge, specially when society, culture and education are so encouraging and praising of the doing. We all tend to identify ourselves with what we do or with what our bodies look like. We all tend to measure our value through the filter of achievement and accomplishment. Visibility, light, productivity, goals and success are the authority.

I carry with me memories from a childhood spent in a small Portuguese village, where people after a meal, would just sit for a couple of hours in front of their houses, contemplating the surroundings and receptive to anyone who would pass nearby - no cellphones, no computers, no distractions, just openness to be.
What I experience in the current times, specially in the city’s context, is that the quality of being is just so much hard to embody, due to fact that I get more likely flooded with all the pollution and stimuli around me and therefore, shut down. Plus there’s the inner toxic waste, which locks me inside the vicious mind’s cycles of judgment, fear, expectations and survival.
This, for me, makes it crystal-clear: I desire more feminine energy in my life, the compassionate and unconditionally holding space for supporting my bare, naked, formless being.

Till my mid twenties, becoming still and retreating were just unthinkable attitudes. I mean, how would this help with being successful and valuable? Or with academic studies? Or with a busy social life?
But now, things changed. I don’t want to be dictated by external conditions anymore. I want instead, to own my power to create. To give to myself the permission to be. The caregiver quality is there for me only. I was away from home for a long time, but now I’m gently returning. I am here. And I am settling more and more into the place of being.